Swiss St. Bernards are getting a new beverage in their barrels and a new gadget keeps your coffee hot using the same technology that puts songs on your phone.

So let’s say you’re stuck on a mountainside in the Swiss Alps after thinking you could handle a particularly sketchy stretch of powder on your skis. Which of the following do you hope will save you? A St. Bernard bearing brandy or a St. Bernard bearing coffee?

Well, starting this week, if you happen to find yourself in that situation, the St. Bernard who comes to your rescue will be bringing coffee via a tiny Nespresso-style coffee machine. The machines will replace the iconic barrels that feature the Swiss cross that the dogs have traditionally worn. (Bear in mind that this story was written April 1, so I’m not completely sure this isn’t a joke, but my love for dogs and coffee is making me hope it’s not.)

The Swiss Alpine Club, the group who takes care of those rescue-minded canines, said the switch was “purely a business decision”.

“The global financial crisis has meant we’ve got to either cut back the number of dogs or find some extra money,” said club representative Jorg Ettinghadt. “Using the Desperesso machines means we won’t have to reduce the dogs.”

Ettinghadt said the decision was also influenced by the fact that not everyone would drink the brandy the dogs brought during a rescue. He pointed out that it’s not appropriate for a small child and that some have refused it for moral or religious reasons.

The machines weigh about 3 kilograms and work on a capsule basis. They can serve espresso, black coffee, or decaf.

“The manufacturers also wanted to include a cappuccino option, but in trials we had problems with the wind and it looked as though the dogs were rabid,” Ettinghadt added. “And frankly although avalanche survivors might have limited options, you’d think twice before attracting a 100kg St Bernard foaming at the mouth.”

Not just for hot iTunes tracks

There’s a new gadget on the market that heats your coffee using your computer as a power source. The USB Cup Warmer works just like a hot plate, but it plugs into your computer’s USB port. No more getting sidetracked while you’re working and letting your coffee get cold beside you.

The nifty little device keeps your mug between 122 and 140 Fahrenheit and features a blue LED clock. It’s got an on/off switch so that you can continue using the USB even when you don’t want to leave the burner turned on. The clock runs on a battery, as an added bonus, so that you can continue to see the time even when your computer is off.

I haven’t found a site that sells this product in the US yet, but I’d almost bet my house that, like other gadgets in this vein, it will be everywhere just in time for Christmas. However, it retails for about 33 euros, if you happen to live abroad.

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